I Will NOT Apologize If YOU Think I Have ADHD--and Other Things I'm NOT Sorry About

I was talking with a friend the other day and realized she apologized endlessly during our conversation. She was sorry for being mad at someone, for laughing too loudly, for talking too much, and a few other things. I never mentioned any of these things as she spoke, and realized many people apologize for almost everything.

I noticed this in her because I noticed it in myself several years ago. 

I apologized if someone mentioned I spoke too slow, or too fast, or they clucked as I tried to carefully put my money away at the register, or WHATEVER. I felt bad if I told the truth, I felt bad if someone felt uncomfortable--even if it was not my fault. And I was not actually sorry--in fact I was kind of mad.

I decided to stop apologizing for nonsense. Here is a list of things I am NO LONGER sorry for:

~ Speaking like I have ADHD. My mind jumps topics, things remind me of other things, and sometimes what you think is a tangent is me explaining things that will eventually come together at the end. Not everyone is linear, and being creative lends itself to idea links. This is ME. Not sorry.

~ Sleeping late. I work at home, I am a writer and and illustator. Unlike many people I sometimes get a burst of energy late at night, and I have some very good ideas after the sun goes down. I am lucky enough to be able to stay up late and take advantage of the hours I keep because I do not have to get up with the birds. I am not lazy or depressed because I sleep til 9:30 am and sometimes work in my slippers for a while. Likewise--I do not think you are acting like you are six years old because you go to sleep at 9:30 pm. 

~ Being a picky eater. Nope--I do not want to try organ meats, raw foods, or anything with cucumbers. I have lived over 50 years and have tried most things at this point, and will not ruin a meal because someone wants me to be adventurous and try something new. I know what I like--you can order anything you please.

~ Looking on the bright side. I regularly assume things will work out alright, because even if they don't there is sometimes nothing I can do, so I make the best of it. My attempt is realism with an optimistic bent.  I almost said sorry if you don't like it--but I caught myself.

~ Living a life I choose. I spent years making everyone happy. My career and life choices were put on the back burner as I helped everyone and put my own needs aside with a sigh. Now I am busy and happy and you may have to wait a bit. Took me long enough.

~ Not being perfectly neat. I have walked into endless homes and have been astounded at the austerity or extreme neatness and organization skills the owner must have. Where is all the stuff? I don't understand how a place where someone lives can be so neat, and I spent years apologizing for having pens, pencils, books, papers and other art paraphernalia around. I like my stuff, and I don't want to put it away because someone walks through the door.

~  Liking what I like. I like scary topics and being spooked, art, pencils, pens, birds, medical , the occult, and religious conversations. No longer sorry that I don't like sports or shopping.

~ Not being good at small talk. I like intense friendships and talking until the sun comes up--but I am not great at social climbing. No interest.

~ And most of all I will no longer apologize for having an opinion that is different than someone else's. 

In no way am I trying to say I am always right. If I hurt someone, or make someone wait, or feel someone truly needs an apology--I am all for it. I just wish we would all stop the needless apologizing over silly things.

Apologizing because you think someone will be mad or because your opinion is different from theirs at you can lead to lowered self esteem, and possibly make you seem like you are weak or lack confidence. Don't apologize unless you are really trying to fix something. Save it for the real thing and use it when it's needed.

So let's break the habit--I feel more genuine, and a bit stronger too since I have changed that habit. We need to stop being sorry for being ourselves.

xo 

Art and BRAINS!

Art has been a big part of my life since I was very young. I loved Paul Klee as a child because he drew a big lovely cat with a little tiny bird that I could copy. I loved the Disney cartoons and going to Disney World to see the art being created before my eyes.

Lately I have been practicing my art quite a bit because I will be doing storyboards. This style of drawing is unfamiliar to me. It is like the art in comic books. Much of my art is more freestyle and I have been self-taught for the most part.

From practicing this new style I realized that I am not excellent at perspective, and have been taking classes with Bob Budiansky of Transformer fame, and another comic artist named Daniel Rosa to help me with my weaknesses.

To say the least, these guys are amazing.


Daniel recommended a book to me called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. I had my doubts about this book because it seemed like many other art books I had seen...here do these lessons and copy this picture and you will get better at drawing. But this one is different. The lessons, at least in the beginning, are focused on helping the artist to wake up and use the right hemisphere of the brain.

The left side of our brain, once considered the dominant and more important side, is the verbal, analytical, logical and linear side...and can get in the way of the intuitive, holistic and nonverbal right side when drawing.


The book tells us there are ways to shift from left brain thinking to right brain. The first way told us to draw a picture upside-down. To be exact, to look at a picture that is upside-down, and to recreate it starting at the top of the page, which would actually be the bottom of the image. Here is the picture from the book; a drawing by Picasso of Igor Stravinsky:

Here is my drawing turned right-side up:

Another method to induce the shift is to draw with your left hand. I am slightly ambidextrous so I had a bit of an advantage with this one:

The final shift-inducer was to draw a picture of your hand without ever looking at the paper. The urge to peek is almost overwhelming at times...your left brain is trying to straighten things out. Here is my hand drawn on a taped down piece of paper...and I did NOT peek.

These lessons are taught to help us improve our art and to draw with more ease and freedom. Then just when you can feel that shift happening on its own when you draw, you need to in corporate that linear left side back in for perspective.

Looks like I need all the help I can get.

If you do any of the lessons please feel free to post them or send them to me, I'd love to see them!

Who the Hell ARE YOU ??--Personality Testing

Modern personality test were originally developed to reveal aspects of an individual's personality. In 1919 they were further developed to help with the screening process for personnel selection into the armed forces.

(Please feel free to tell me what you see in the comment below--I would love to know :)

We are all familiar with the Rorschach ink blot pictures, and many of us have taken the Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator_(MBTI) test when applying for a job. Many other forms also exist, and each have weaknesses. Test-taker bias is a problem because the subject can only respond to the topics that are presented to him and relate to him.  Test results rely on truthful answers, and there is no way to truly know if the subject is being honest. In some cases the subject HIMSELF is not aware of his untruths.

Although the last time I interviewed for a job was many years ago and I cannot tell you what was discussed, I DO remember getting a lengthy personality test.

I was told it was par for the course for the interview process, and quite accurate and revealing.

The questions were what you would expect: Do you like parties? Do you like to help people even if they cannot help you in return? Do you like new experiences?

I found it interesting the test would ask the same question several times throughout, sometimes thinly veiled by different wording, and sometimes just an outright repeat. So that began to distract me, and I wondered what other types of patterns and signals they were looking for. I became a bit paranoid that I would answer differently based on where the question was in the test. Did this mean I was a liar? Was there a mysterious IQ revealer hidden within a test of my personality?

And it did not help that there were about 500 questions on the test.

I do NOT have a good attention span, unless it is something I am currently interested in, and I could feel myself starting to fade.

I finished quickly and handed the test to my potential future employer.  She told me the test would be scored in a matter of minutes, and we could discuss the results. That was great, because I am also extremely impatient.

My tests showed, along with many other things, that I am easily distracted, creative, and have a propensity for artistic endeavours.  Hmmm.  I would have told her all those things if she asked me.  She also told me, even though the test showed that I am disorganized and easily distracted, that I would someday make a terrific manager and would fit well in a corporate workplace.

Nooooooo.

Wrong. Terribly wrong.

I have almost no motivation or excitement when doing a job for another person, and I hate babysitting more than ANYTHING in the world, whether it be for kids or adults in the workplace. And being told what to do is not at the top of my list either. Or a dress code. You understand.

While I think that tests might be good for certain situations, and for possibly pointing to some serious personality disorders, I think they can be manipulated, or worse, a wonderful person could take a test and be misinterpreted because the questions are very black and white and as we know, personalities come in a million colors.

I have included a personality test here for fun:

http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/

And another one from 100 Unfortunate Days with a more-then-slightly mad twist.  Have fun!

Day 43

Pick the symbol you like the most:

1. *

2. #

3. @

4. &

5. ?

6. %

7. +

8. !

9. {

10. }

This is what the symbols mean:

1. If you picked the * you have the ability to read minds sometimes. Sometimes you can tell when the phone is about the ring, and sometimes you can even tell who is on the other end of the phone. Sometimes women find you confusing. You say you are going to do something but you really don’t mean it.

2. If you chose # then you are smarter than you think you are. You also have a really big secret that you want to tell people but if you actually told them they would think you were weird. You love iced tea and you had a really odd nickname in school.

3. Choosing this symbol @ means you love to drive and fly in planes. You have also contemplated cutting yourself with a knife or burning yourself with matches—not a lot, but just enough to see what it feels like. Maybe one or two of you have actually done it. You like the Beatles and have them on your iPod.

4. The & symbol means you are more spiritual or religious than you will openly admit. There is a part of you that wants to tell everyone how much you love your god, but you are afraid they will think you are freaky. You like to swim in the ocean and you like the smell of burning punks in the summer. You hate mosquitoes.

5. Liking the ? is not as obvious as you thought. You are not necessarily confused but you do want a lot of things that you can’t have right now…like a new car. You also wish you could be in better shape. You love jelly beans, especially the red ones, and you like to gamble.

6. The % sign is evil. You pretend you like people when you really don’t. You talk behind people’s backs. You like hamburgers and shellfish. You really are bad though.

7. The + sign means you are very organized and keep all your perfectly cut coupons in a neat little folder that you carry with you at all times. Dinner is always on the table on time, or you want it to be. You are very mean to people who are not as organized as you. The wildest you ever get is being on top.

8. Anyone that likes the ! pretends to be more optimistic than they actually are. They have contemplated moving away from their current life. They have some artistic ability or they like sports. If you like sports the circumference of your head is very large. You have buck teeth a little.

9. If you like the { sign you are very sentimental and live in the past. You keep stuff in little jars in your garage that normal people would throw away. You like the taste of alcohol and are allergic to something that blooms in the spring but cannot figure what it is. Old people like you.

10.If your sign is } you like to invent things—even if it is just in your head. You do not care about houseplants and would probably prefer them to die. You like toasted Wonder Bread with butter and love the smell of suntan lotion—especially Coppertone.