A Loss of Fear

Growing up in a Russian orthodox household meant there was holy water in the cabinet, a prominent painting of the last supper in the dining room, and a somber picture of Jesus in my grandmother's bedroom that was supposed to be uplifting and calming, I'm sure, but never failed to freak me out.

I didn't realize it at the time, but it also meant that I was afraid of many things: the devil, ghosts, the dark, and almost anything you could think of that was considered "supernatural".

I also had a thing about eyes--if they weren't your basic blue or brown they also freaked me out. The thought of looking out the window at night to see a pair of glowing amber eyes was almost too much to bear, but that is another post: Click here for more about EYES

Needless to say everyone went to church on Sunday, but I protested too much after about the age of ten. My fussing got old and it wasn't worth it for the rest of the worshipers, and I got to stay home. I bounced back and forth from being a lukewarm believer, to an atheist.

Studying religions was my attempt at finding meaning, and I did learn quite a bit about Buddhism, Christianity, Taoism, and many more, but the only thing I truly gleaned from the endless studying was a bit of self-discovery.

I did not believe in the God of the bible.

Yet, like so many, the things we learn when we are young are difficult to unlearn. I realized I was still afraid to "sin", so I would occasionally attempt another shot at church or bible study. My husband is Catholic, and I always ended up in the Catholic church by default. Although the masses always left me cold, for me it was deeper. There was some kind of disconnect, and after reading the bible, really reading, not listening to what someone else said about it, I knew I not only disbelieved in the god of the bible--I did not like the premise.

I'm not going to get into the whole thing here, but when I finally let it go, when I really allowed myself to not be afraid a giant holy ghost was going to strike me dead and send me to hell for saying the lords name in vain too many times, I lost my fears.

I no longer had the feeling that a malignant force was ready to get me, I was no longer worried that the devil had me in his sights and had dark and dismal plans for my soul, and I no longer believed some bigger force in general was the ruler of my destiny. And most of all, I was no longer afraid of myself  for trying to worship a god who gave over his own son, for people he created, then destroyed, twice...but I digress.

A few nights ago I woke at 3 am. I checked the laundry downstairs and shut the lights off in the hall. I realized, ridiculously enough, that up until about a year ago this would have bothered me.

My long winded point is this--when we stop doing the things that make us afraid of ourselves, we stop being afraid of everything else, too.

xo

Angels

I have an aunt who loves angels. She believes we have guardian angels, and that there are other holy beings that protect us from the bad guys, getting into accidents, or just straying off the good path. I know many who feel the same way. 

In the bible is says that God made angels one at a time, and they cannot die. Even if we are super good here one earth, we would never become angels. The number of angels never increases or decreases. Some say there are at least as many angels as there have been people who existed on the earth.

I asked one of my friends who wholeheartedly believes in angels what she thought they looked like. She told me that angels look exactly like we see them in pictures; beautiful, typically clothed in white, with wings and if not a halo, a very holy countenance or glow. She also described a female entity.

Another friend, a born-again Christian, believes they are huge. Not seven or eight feet tall, she means bigger than your house. She said they are fearsome creatures, wielding swords of fire...and these gargantuan beings look like humans--really big ones.

I think if I asked 100 people in the United States what they believed about angels I would most likely hear 100 different answers. It got me thinking--do we think angels have blonde hair? Blue eyes? Are they ginormous sword-wielding super spirits? Or do we imagine angels look like US?

I took a poll in a spiritual group I belong to and asked what they thought angels looked like. All the respondents here gave different answers--some said angels were spirit, and did not have a body we could see, others said some angels looks one way, and others another way.

I imagine that our personal visions of these divine beings make us feel comfortable and safe. We lie down in the snow and recreate the lovely wings and heavenly skirts we imagine them to have. They grace the highest points of our Christmas trees, and we make holiday cookies with wings and halos. We envision them playing saintly music on their tiny harps, and protecting us from evil with their shiny Swords of God.

In the bible, Daniel saw angel with polished-metal arms and legs, and a face like lightning. Christian text says since angels are not human but spirit, they are not visible to us at all. When anyone did see an angel in biblical days, they fell down and covered their faces in awe.

NOT how you would typically imagine an angel

But if we are talking about the angels from the bible we are a bit off track. First of all, most of the angels there do NOT have wings. As a matter of fact, most of the angels described sound a bit more like something from a sci-fi movie than a heavenly book. For example, seraphim, the highest ranked of the angels, have six wings according to Isaiah, two to cover his face, two to cover his feet, and the other two for flying.

Cherubs, or cherubim, those cute little Valentine flyers, have four faces, a man, an ox, a lion, and an eagle. NOT cute. The thrones are even creepier, described as a wheel within a wheel, their rims covered with hundreds of eyes. The dominions are described as the human-looking angels with feathery wings--not so bad. Nephilim are a whole different story because they are giants who supposedly resulted from the unscrupulous affairs between angels and humans.

The word angel comes from a Greek word, aggelos, and the Hebrew word mal'ak. Both words mean messenger.

A CBS News poll reported that nearly 8 in 10 American people believe in angels. Women are more likely than men to believe in angels, and 4 out of 10 people who do not attend religious services of any kind still believe in angels.

But not every angel is a good-guy!

There is a faction of angels that went to the dark side and followed Lucifer, the fallen angel who dared to challenge God. We call them demons.

There is a supposed fight going on in the invisible world between good and evil, a fight between the good and bad angels. Although hard to understand why this would be allowed to rage on, the bad angels or demons are supposed to serve some type of purpose in the eyes of God, and when they have completed what needs to be done, God will put an end to it.

Ooohhh I want to believe I have a guardian angel! A benign and beautiful being floating around, always on the alert, and keeping me from harms way. Doreen Virtue says we can talk to angels any time we want--and they will listen and help us because that is their job. But we have to know how. We need to be specific, and truly ask for what we want. Well, it's worth a shot.

Now here is a seeming exception to one of the angel rules; Metatron. Ancestor of Noah. Enoch was transformed into an angel and named Metatron. I know, I know--angels are made by God one at a time and NOT from humans...sigh. Don't blame me--I'm just passing along information. You'll have to take it up with someone higher up than me. 

The Peculiarities of Prayer

  
A universal belief in a higher being brings with it an almost innate need to adore, thank, please, or supplicate to the chosen deity.

Christians like Catholics, Russian and Greek Orthodox, Presbyterians and others pray to God and Jesus and believe in the trinity--Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Some ask for help from the saints just like they would ask a friend to pray for them.

Muslims pray to Allah (God) and Jews pray to Adonai (God). Buddhists do not believe is any specific god and meditate instead. Hindus seemingly pray to many gods. Shiva is the destroyer of worlds, allowing for rebirth with the god Brahma. He is also responsible for positive death as in the destruction of ego and the shedding of old ideals and attachments. Kali is the goddess of time and transformation.

It is said that there are 330 million Hindu gods, one that is perfect for each person, but if you ask a person who worships one they will tell you they each represent the same divine and shapeless force of one spirit, Brahman.

Some worship dark gods like Satan or possibly one of his lesser demons like Baal, who was depicted as the demon who possessed Anthony Hopkins in the film The Rite. The movie showed the priest played by Hopkins living amongst cats, and frogs were featured frequently throughout the film.

Baal has been depicted as a three headed creature, with one head of a cat, one of a frog, and one a man.

Most religions express love, respect, want, or need to their god of choice through prayer. We are told to express worship through prayer, and to dedicate a certain amount of time daily to this ritual. If you are praying to one of the darker gods there is also a pretty straight forward way to show your love and affection--simply sell your soul! You can do it right here: (NOT recommended) http://demonical.com/sellyoursoul.htm 

It seems it is much harder to pray properly to the Christian God. Although a devotee can pray at home or at church, I have seen endless websites and books based solely on the way to pray properly so this god can hear you, or not take what you are saying the wrong way. http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/BibleStudyAndTheology/perspectives/correct-way-to-pray-luke-18-goodwyn.aspx  Among other things, this article talks about prayers that God cannot hear.

It says He can only hear prayers from the humble. Seems it might be a bit tough if you want to become humble and you are asking for help...

We are told to ask for forgiveness of the sins we have committed, and to be forgiven for the ones we don't even know we have done.  Here is a Wiki list of how to do it right: http://www.wikihow.com/Pray-to-Jesus

Hindu prayers are different than Christian prayers. The chosen god or goddess is invoked through mantras or prayer. He is said to appear as if after a long journey and will be offered water, food, and clothing, and a lovely place to sit and rest. He may be entertained with music, incense, flowers, lights, or candles. He is offered the utmost care and respect, and in return his essence fills the home or place of prayer. This is a form of communion with the divine.

Although I would not call Shinto a religion, many people in Japan follow the ways of Shinto, or kami. Kami is a prehistoric "religious tradition influenced by Buddhism and Chinese religions". Although they do not believe in or focus on one all-knowing entity, the kami are the powers of nature such as the sun, earth, mountains, animals, streams, etc. Offerings are sometimes made to the kami, such as food like fish or vegetables which are later eaten. The spirits of the deceased are also revered and celebrated. 

Shinto shrines can be found in groves of trees all over Japan. All the shrines have sacred gates (torii) and often contain water for symbolic purification of hands and mouth; larger shrines have main halls, buildings for offerings, and oratories. Inside the main hall resides the goshintai (god-body), which is sometimes represented by a mirror, but more often nothing at all. The classic Shinto shrine is the world-renowned Ise Shrine, the primary cult site for Amaterasu, arguably the most important kami. (from www.beliefnet.com)

Many prayers are focused on beings that are long gone and have left and important mark in history. We hear stories of Jesus if we are Christian or Kali if we are Hindu. No one that is alive has seen these beings. Although Mother Teresa died in 1997, her giving nature and offerings of help and caring are relevant to our lives now. Gandhi stood up against a harsh British rule and helped India through peaceful protest to find their way to freedom. Maybe they were both Jains, an Indian religion that focuses on non-violence to all living things.  I don't think it would be a bad thing if we all focused on how to be better NOW and what we could do about it.

I would love to hear your thoughts on prayer.

After thought:  I am not saying prayer is bad or obsolete, but it couldn't hurt to put as much positive thought and action into things that need help right now, and to support those that are currently helping.

Do You Believe in Possession? A True Story

Do You Believe in Possession? A True Story

When I was in tenth grade my best friend went to Portugal for a month during the summer.  Her health had been slightly off, so I was surprised her family was taking her on such a long trip. 

When she came home she had on a new gold necklace with a locket and a bracelet with some charms on it.  When I asked her what was in the locket, she told me she would rather not talk about it.  Eventually she talked. 

She told me a priest in Portugal gave them to her after her exorcism to keep away the devils.  He told her she had been possessed by several demons, and she should wear the charms at all times, and never open the locket. 

She told me her relatives kept her in her room for several days and nights, and she could hear chanting in a language she could not understand through the walls.  She said the night before the exorcism she could understand.

The next day her family brought her to a cave, and the priest began a prayer and that is the last thing she remembers.  They told her she fell backwards like she had fainted, and her head was bent so far back they thought she would break her neck.  Her stomach began to rise and fall, and when her eyes fluttered like she might be waking,  all four people there could not lift her.

They told her the priest said one of the spirits haunting her was someone her own father had harmed in a business transaction, and this was its way of doing him harm.

On a rainy, boring Saturday as we sat in her room she decided to open the locket.

Inside was a tiny ladder, a lightning bolt, some white cloth, dust or dirt, a cross, and several other items I cannot remember.  She poured them out in her palm, and as she was examining them she shook her hand and remarked they had burned her.  She told me they left red marks on her hand but would not show me.  I was scared and went home. 

I remember her thinking the devil was after her, and her boyfriend and I would tease her and try and scare her. 

She got sicker and sicker from an ailment that was never quite figured out, and eventually passed away from what the doctors said was Wilson's disease.

A few years after that her boyfriend fell off of a second story balcony and broke his neck.  He has been in a wheelchair ever since.

I called her in the hospital in NYC a few days before she died and her mother would not let me speak to her on the phone, but I heard her voice in the background.  Her once friendly, happy voice sounded like knives being dragged down a chalkboard, and I will never forget it.

Did she die from a disease?  Was she possessed?  Did the items in her charm actually burn her hand?  The timing of all the events was amazing, and I am still scared of the devil probably more than I should be.  There is a part of me that feels I should not be writing this, that I should leave it alone.  Do you think I should be scared?

Someone who read my book 100 Unfortunate Days said talent is usually called a gift from God, she said my book might be the one case it is not true.  One reviewer wrote she could not sleep for nights after reading it and had to stop.  Here is that review:

"I began reading 100 Unfortunate Days over a month ago. I read more than half, late at night, in one sitting. I felt an immediate kinship with the protagonist. I asked myself, had Crowe inexplicably been inside my head extracting images? Or had the worms squished their way inside, muddying up my brain? I had an uneasy feeling that the worms were already there, dormant, and 100 Unfortunate Days disturbed them. That night I had a dream or a vision of an old ghost-man smiling at me, on the verge of a laugh, at the foot of my bed. I didn't read any more for 7 days. Then i read a bit past day 75. This time i was visited by a demon troll who tried to take away my breath as i slept. I didn't read again for 14 days. I finished it today and I agree with Crowe, there should be a disclaimer before Day 1 because I am fairly certain that parts of this book may have been infected by the devil and in turn may contaminate you. That's balderdash, right? Maybe. If you are a skeptic and take this work as pure fiction from a very talented, highly imaginative authoress, go ahead and turn the page...and wish me luck tonight while i sleep..."

Maybe I will add that disclaimer...
  
I don't want to believe in the devil, but I may have to say that I do...

Protection from St. Michael--you may need it after this post:

http://www.traditioninaction.org/religious/b009rpMichael.htm