Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Anti-Valentine Post

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I'm not sure I like it.

Everyone knows relationships are not easy.

The beginning is lovely: hot, blurry, and fast, with not a whole lot to worry about.

Reality sets in relatively quickly, some moving into a comfortable and safe haven of support and familiarity. Some follow a different path.

Some fall out of synch--the passion they once felt passes and they realize they have nothing in common. Others need a change of pace, or haven't found the "one". Unfortunately there are those that cheat, and aren't up front enough to inform the partner the relationship is done. Whatever the case may be, breaking up is hard to do...most of the time.

Of course there are clear-cut situations where the relationship should end, but what about those cases where you are not quite sure what to do? Maybe you don't really talk that much anymore, maybe you have grown apart, maybe you are too comfortable in the situation and ending it just seems like too much of a big deal.

Many self-help books tell us that we deserve to find a relationship that will fulfill us and satisfy our every need. But the older I get the more I wonder if this exists. Is there really such thing as a relationship that keeps its spark? Where the partners are passionately in love--after 20, 30--50 years? and eHarmony have become a popular way to meet a mate, or at least find someone to date. They ask us questions and allow us a window into the lives of potential new friends. Do you like sports? Reading? Pina coladas?
Although I DO think it is a good method to find someone with similar interests, and I know many people who found partners through these services, I'm not sure they really get to the heart of who we are. I have different interpretations of the answers to these questions that translate into scenarios that occur later in the relationship. For instance:

* I love sport turns into--I will not be available most weekends during football season (in other words, 27 weeks of you include probowl, preseason and the Superbowl--more than half a year). Then there is baseball season, from April through October--well--you get the picture.

* Loves children--seems to be a potentially scary way to covertly say clock is ticking--wants kids...maybe ASAP.

* Loves books--many long, quiet nights ahead--in the house.

* Free-spirited--this is a big one that could mean they don't have a job, or they don't shave (male or female), or they are disorganized. Don't look for a spotless house. (I speak from experience with this one...)

* Loves cats--well--I like them too, but not enough to announce it to the world. Potential cat person. You will only be fed AFTER Pooky, Dusty, String Bean, Kim Kat-dashian, DeeDee, Marshmallow, Daryl Dixon and Jelly Bean.

Any of these are fine if you know what you are getting yourself into--I just think sometimes the meanings are lost in translation. But back to relationships...

I see many relationships that sort of fade into a vanilla ice cream kind of happy--not bad--but could use some sprinkles or chips. Maybe that is all we can ask for--someone to be there, laugh with, and maybe even understand us a little. I personally do NOT think the Prince Charming scenario exists, but at this time in my life I even wonder if anyone truly stays in love.

I would love to hear what you have to say about this.

Happy Anti-Valentine's Day! <3