Writing a book that had elements of me and my personality was nerve-wracking.
I had no problem doing the writing--but when it came to pushing the actual publish button I felt like I was standing on Madison Avenue naked. I had second thoughts and regrets, felt exposed yet exhiliarted, and the book was not even available to anyone yet.
But there was a stronger need to get the book out than to let the fear win. It was not an autobiography and I had to remind myself it was NOT a diary--but a study of a dark personality.
The writing was cathartic and unnerving. It dug up corpses I thought would surely remain buried. I had to deal with emotions I almost forgot I had--and then live with them.
Weeks and weeks passed and I realized I could no longer pretend the emotions and situations the book revealed were just a side effect of writing a novella. So I faced them. Friends had to deal with my sudden changes in mood. My blog had become a dumping ground for every angry thought and question I ever had. I am not even going to mention what my poor family had to go through. (But thanks if any of you are reading this--friends too.) I also realized who my real friends are--are who are not. And I made some great new ones while meandering this unexpected path. :)
After three days of shock, depression, and a dawning of what I was doing wrong and silly in my life--I faced my demons. Holy #$%. This was better than psychological rehab. I'm not saying I am normal and perfect now and I will never do anything wrong again as long as I live--but I am saying that writing that book (100 Unfortunate Days) allowed me to clear the bats from my belfry.
Oh, there are so many cliches, quotes, and sayings running through my head now:
It's always darkest before the dawn.
You must do the thing you fear the most.
Honest is the best policy.
Just do it.
They all apply--and there are more but I will stop here.
So I guess what I am trying to say is expose yourself. Let the real you out. Let it scare the hell out of you and tear everything up in its path. And when you come out on the other end get ready--you will feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up after his 100 year sleep :)
(The image at the top right is the potential new cover for 100 Unfortunate Days--what do you think?)
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