Saturday, June 23, 2012

Can You Love One Person Forever?

My grandmother lived to be almost 100 years old.

She was married to my grandfather over 65 years. They grew up in a port town in New Jersey and met when they were about eleven. They spent their childhoods with no television, and although the technology was available, they did not have a phone until they were married.  My grandfather used to try and pay a visit to my grandmother when they were in middle school, and her mother used to pour water on his head from the third story window to make him go away.

Obviously this did not deter him, for they were married about seven years later after he bought her a coat during one very cold winter because she did not have the money.

He was a big man--over six feet tall with a big barrel chest and strong arms. She was tiny--more than a foot smaller than he, standing about four foot nine or ten.

I remember him often trying to give her kisses, and her playfully slapping him away.

When he passed away everyone cried--he was a man who loved everyone equally, played no favorites to kids, grand kids, or great-grand kids.  Except for one--his wife.  She was the girl of his dreams forever, and I could tell he never, ever lost his fondness for her.

I can't say the same in reverse.  She was eternally exasperated with him, and let him know in no uncertain terms.  Yet she was devastated when he passed.

We are not the same people we were when we met our mates.  Even five years can be an eternity when it comes to maturity.

I agree with Liz Phair when she says in her song "Somebody's Miracle" that watching a couple staying close is like the bloom of a rose.  I also agree with her that this is something to be envied.  To be able to evolve together, to stay in love, and to have someone forever is a gift.




 "Somebody's Miracle"

I'm so far, so far away from it now
That it seems like I may never know how
People stay in love for half of their lives
It's a secret they keep between husbands and wives

Baby, There goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some modern fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me
But I look at myself
Wonderin' if I'm just too weak
To have such faith in myself

Once upon a time I was so restless in love
When things we're fine, I changed my mind just because
Now I see how wrong and reckless I've been
Each frog has a prince just waiting inside of him

Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some modern fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me
But I look at myself, and I think what the hell
Maybe I'm just too naive
To have such faith in myself
You know I'm prayin' for it

But the queen, she likes to sit on her throne
Doesn't mean you two are never alone
It's just love has needs that love only knows
Watch a couple stay close, it's like the bloom of a rose

Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some other fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me
There goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some modern fairy tale...

I never cry out loud,
I keep my tears to myself
But I woke up one day and I found my life had left me for someone else
I guess it must be unhappy with me

Baby, there goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some modern fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me
But I look at myself
Wondering if I'm just too weak
To have such faith in myself
You know I'm prayin for it
You know I'm prayin for it
You know I'm prayin for it


20 comments:

  1. This was just great...and so dead on. He was such a good man, the glue of the family that is losing its grip since his passing. I miss him.

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    1. Me too!
      The glue is not what it used to be. :(

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  2. Great Story, But I believe that Love is also a choice. Once you are married, you learn each other's faults and you chose to look deep inside to the beauty of that person instead of the uglyness they can sometimes show. I love to hear when couples learn to love unconditional and stay married till death do us part, holding deep inside the reason to why they fell in love in the first place.

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    1. I wonder if as the years go by couples rediscover it--past the looks, past the kids...when it just gets back to them.
      Thanks for the nice comment Marie :)

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  3. A beautiful love story. My parents were married for 58 years and 10 months when mother passed away. No Papa never remarried. My marriage didn't last quite as long as he went home to the Lord at the relatively young age of 63.

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    1. If you had your true love that is enviable Mari :)
      I bet you were a wonderful couple.
      I do think if it is the right one you are truly together forever.
      Thanks for telling me. :)

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  4. My husband and I have been married for 47 years and we've had our ups and our downs but neither of us ever seriously considered walking away from our commitment to each other and to our children.

    For the past couple of years we have been dealing with a situation that a lot would say, enough, but as my husband slipped into dementia he asked me not to give up, not to put him in a nursing home. His dementia is caused by a slam in the head in a near fatal car accident.

    While some nights are worse then others, and like your grandmother I can get exasperated, I would rather have it like this then not have my best friend in my life at all. Unless the world ends in December, we are both from long living stock, and hope for more years together on this side of eternity.

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    1. Paula, you are an angel sent by God. I took care of my father in law with his Alzheimer's and it is a very difficult job. To some you are just one person lost in this world but to your husband you are his world. What a beautiful love story.

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    2. Paula this made me cry.
      You are so lucky to still have your best friend, and have these days with him.
      Thanks so much for sharing this story.
      It makes me feel that there are more people like you--and I feel good.
      XO

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  5. I married my best friend because I did not want to see someone so kind and loving be sliced & diced by yet another person who didn't put him first. I didn't want to fall in love again. We got along so well, I figured if it fell apart, so what? Third marriage, another divorce? Like I said, I didn't want it anyway.

    Every day since I decided to stop fighting the fact I had feelings for him I have loved him more and more. I proposed to him, even. That was not the "me" before I was in love with him. The balance of relational power was always important to me on a deeper level. How can it be with your best friend? What kind of friendship would it be?

    Just when I think I can't love him more, the bottom drops out and I fall deeper in love with him still. There is nothing I would not do for Tim. I would hijack a ship to Mars for him. We are still best friends. We share everything, and yet we are still in love. It requires effort every day, but we both want this. As long as we both want to be together and want to be happy, I don't know why it would have to stop.

    I spent a decade very unhappily married, and before that, nearly a decade being unhappily divorced and briefly unhappily married. Life's too short for all that. If you find something that makes you happy & brings out the best in you, you gotta make that a big part of your life.

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    1. I true love story Red. :)
      Beautiful.
      You are lucky and smart--you asked him because why wait one more minute, right?
      I wish for everyone to have that kind of love.

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  6. I think you don't just fall in love once, but over and over again. If you are lucky and willing to work hard to sustain the relationship, I think you can repeatedly fall in love with the same person for a lifetime. Not all relationships are meant to last, though, and I agree with Red that a real love will make you happy and bring out the best in you.

    Thanks for this sweet post!

    And

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    1. Sounds so lovely.
      You are welcome Aniko.
      Thanks for coming by.
      :)

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  7. How very topical. As you've seen, I'm celebrating my sixth anniversary with my wife today.

    Let me be more specific. My second wife. You talk about growing and maturity, and I certainly hadn't grown or matured enough for my first marriage. But it's a longer story than that. The cards were stacked against us from the beginning.

    But now I'm very happy. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend time with.

    Oh, and my grandmother is almost 100 too. I think she turns 99 in January. Crazy. Something about surviving the Depression really toughened that generation. She may not move as fast, but she's still sharp as a tack.

    Nice post.

    Paul D. Dail
    www.pauldail.com- A horror writer's not necessarily horrific blog

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  8. I love that you've gotten so many success stories in the comments- let me add mine. My husband and I have been together since we were 16 & 17. We got married at 19& 20 and have been married for 22 years. We are not the same people we were when we met or married. Three kids, one with autism, one with a rare blood disorder, one with a genius IQ (and that may have been the hardest one to raise, Lol). Through having no money and having a fair share of money, breakdowns, accidents, illness, and a near death-- I wouldn't want to share my life with anyone else. He will always be my best friend. That doesn't mean it was easy-- there were really tough times and tears and thoughts of walking away, but we never did. We fell in and out of romantic love with each other many times, but we never stopped loving each other on a deeper level. True love is hard, it's not always a fairy tale, and it takes hard work. But there's nothing else like it in the world. Now that our children are moving out this year- I can't wait to spend some much needed "us time."

    Stacey

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    1. Me too Stacey!
      It is so heartwarming--and a little surprising.
      You have been through a lot--near death--so scary--and life changing.
      You deserve that us time, and it will be great when your kids come to visit.
      Thanks for posting such a nice story Stacy.

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  9. Awwwww! What a sweet, lovely story! And the THIRD blog post I've read today that celebrates love like this! Wow, there's definitely something in the air! :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

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    1. OH NO!!
      I'm old news!
      (JK :)
      But I agree Mina--there is something in the air!!
      So glad you stopped by--have not seen you in a bit :)

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  10. The other name of love is life. I am glad that you simply shared this useful info with us.

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